It has been a long wait. They say Buddha took 500 odd births to achieve enlightenment. I can’t be any less nor claim to be more, so I must have taken the same evolutionary time. Oh I sense that smile. You think I have not yet met Him. Well, may be it is in my past. Or may be from where you see, it is still in my distant future. What ever it may be, let’s not argue about this shall we? I have much more important things to share. I can share those only ‘after’ I have met Him. So just walk with me and believe I have met Him…
I had prepared very well for the meeting. Who wouldn’t with so many lifetimes to get ready? Anyways, I was all set and I wondered if He was as excited about seeing me as I was about meeting Him. Singing, dancing, crying, laughing – oh I remember all of that and so much more… Just preparation I guess… The Sun rise, the moon rise, the gentle breeze, the serene skies – I remember all of that too! Again, just preparation… The music, the rhythm, the voice, the silence – I remember all of that… just preparation… Just a random thought – I know it came but I don’t remember what it was… good… very good indeed but still just preparation… a movement, a tinkle, a tear? Did I smile? – still just preparation…
How to write what happened after that? I don’t really know for I wasn’t really there… How to describe how I felt after that? Hmmm…
Anyways, I have met Him! I know I have.
There are two ways one could proceed to describe what transpires…
You know how excited you get when something you truly desire happens? You are flying, happy beyond all measure, gleeful, ecstatic, thrilled, exuberant and want to scream at the top of your voice “I MET HIM!’ Your ego bloats with self importance mocking the mere mortals – even those who made this possible…
You know how excited you get when something you truly desire happens? And this is nothing like that! You are out of your depth, you still can’t comprehend. You know it wasn’t a dream yet it isn’t part of what you call reality. It doesn’t excite you like an achievement. It humbles you as you feel like the infinitesimal spec you really are and yet awes you to know you are very crucial to the existential plan! Now suddenly you are two – the human you know you always were and continue to be – that hasn’t changed, disappeared nor gone into hiding; but you also feel the divine within and without, talking through the breeze, in every single smile and frown; everything.
No! It is not a split! A split is when you are sometimes this and sometimes that and there is a conflict between the two, splitting your mind. Here it is always this and always that – in wonder as a human you see the divine express and cry with delight that He chose this form. Suddenly the reverence you have for yourself is greater than ever before. You begin to walk with your head held high, a spring in your step and a twinkle in your eye – because now you have met Him !
And then something happens – because you have seen Him and sense Him all the time, because your reverence has gone up, because your trust is absolute, you believe others around will feel the same way! You think, surely they too must see the sacredness of everything that is unfolding, they too will now trust completely. It hits you hard to know nothings really changed on the outside – yet!
But that is just changes for you! The most curious things are the changes that happen to others because of your meeting – with Him I mean. Either they believe you – very very dangerous – because they believe everything else they imagine about the meeting to also be true. Or they are skeptical holding your past in rigid framework judging it can never be true – more their loss than yours. But most often, and very very disturbingly – they neither believe nor disbelieve they simply evaluate your options for you! If what you say is true, shouldn’t you actually be doing this or saying this? If you really did meet Him, shouldn’t you be behaving in certain ways! I can’t really believe you met Him for this aspect of what I think you should do, you haven’t done. They neither want to see the vulnerabilities in you as a human, nor care to revere the presence of the divine. When you are human, they want you to be God and when you are divine, they wish you would be more practical and human. Hey, they simply don’t understand – it is not a split or a role you perform switching character from one to another for in that momentary meeting that lasted an eon, there was no God and definitely no ‘I’.
A true blessing is to meet that rare soul who can vibe with you without needing to be a part of it – neither opposing nor concurring but simply witnessing the magic of what such a meeting has done to you. They truly understand, it is not about the divine part or the human one indeed, but how a single moment of connect can change everything you believe.
How does it really matter to you whether I met God or not? So long as I know it is true, it will unfold miracles for me. But they cannot stop there. They have to intrude, interpret, validate and try confuse your memory of that time. Well, let me ask you this, just because I met God, do you think my mother no longer gave birth to me? Do you really believe my father no longer is the reason I am who I am?
‘I am Thou’ when born in the intelligence is a false statement for when there is a ‘I’ and there is a ‘Thou’ they will never be the same. But ‘I am Thou’ when born out of the experience of that oneness, or rather from the non-existence of any, manifests as a waking consciousness of the possibility of the divine while living as a human child.
And so those truly enlightened souls, who lived as a human with the divine right inside, still bowed to their mother, respected their father and showed to all alive that divinity is embedded
My heart cried with craving –
‘Why can I never be You?’
My eyes shed tears of longing –
‘Why do I never see You?’
Eons flew by, may be it was a moment
nothing remained – yet nothing was lost
I wasn’t there, but neither were You…
Can any one witness what never transpires?
Earthy we remain, the moment rushes by
Leaving an ego bloated dancing in delight
‘I am the chosen one’ whispers the ‘me’ alive
Mocking the mere mortals – even those who gave us life!
A lone tear swells to linger in my Master’s eye
If the ‘you’ remains, so will ‘I’
for that moment in eternity that united as one
cannot be a living reality in the student child
For ‘So aham’ – I am Thou
is not the intelligent’s right
in that moment of eternity
neither ‘You’ nor ‘I’ reside
My dear little child
wake up from that dream
while here on earth, you will always be you
And ‘I’ eternally ‘Me’.
I Love you God !
& I love you too Science !
But God will be God –
not merely the known and the unknown
but also the unknowable…
And science will remain science –
the paradox of comprehending
the absolutely incomprehensible !
Written by Gita Krishna Raj | Published in infinithoughts in July 2015
When Science met God… | Segment Eight: A Tryst with God | Chapter Five: When I met God…