“#%*&^*@*&!!??”
Science was stunned!! He had never… NEVER heard God swear! He froze and stood silently waiting for the Father to solve whatever it was that had brought such a reaction. Just a few nano-seconds must have passed. But to Science it sure felt like an epoch. Seeing the Father’s natural gentle smile, Science relaxed. All was fine with the world once again…
God: Won’t you ask me what made me react?
Science: To be honest, No. I’m sure it is something so monumental and rare that I perhaps won’t even understand.
God: Monumental – yes. But rare – not really. I wish it were… but it is more common than even I care to admit.
Science: Now you have triggered my curiosity. Pray tell me what it is?
God: I’m sure you have heard of the ‘winner effect’
Science: Yes indeed. Every win makes you more confident for the next challenge. In fact many sports people apply this principle. When returning to a sport after injury, they first play a few easy matches that are a sure win and boost their sub-conscience that they are winners.
God: Then I am sure you also understand that the reverse is also true. There is a loser’s effect of making one feel like a chronic loser despite all wins.
Science: Indeed Father. In fact those are a direct result of childhood negligences – adults not being sensitive to children’s need to win
God: Hmmm.. The winner effect is not confined to sports or violent challenges alone. It is a part of daily life. Winning is a drive as powerful as sex. The very act of birth is the victory of one sperm over 700 million others. The need to win is hardwired in every human… actually in all of life! The very survival of any life form is the basic need to win.
God looked restless and Science hoped He wasn’t about to swear again. Science wasn’t sure if he could handle that ever again!
God: Don’t worry I have set things right but I am sometimes baffled at the way humans behave.
Science looked incredulously at the Father. God? Baffled? This was getting more and more tricky…
God: Let me tell you what I mean – look at that kid. He is the son of a celebrity. But see how he carries himself – drooping shoulders, wane smile, lustreless eyes – almost as if he had no dreams to live up to. An absolute lack of ambition…
Science: But why do you say it has anything to do with a celebrity parent? I can show you enough examples of celebrity kids being as ambitious, as lively and as focused as the best of winners.
God: Ah yes! But there is a crucial difference. The celebrity parent did not burden their wards with the ‘celeb status’. You see my child, when the child is taught that being a winner is something you achieve by your own efforts, you inculcate the desire to be the best in them. On the contrary when they are fed the line ‘born to win’ like it were a status symbol entirely attributable to their genes and legacy, many are so overwhelmed, they don’t even want to try for fear of failure. Winning is not something you are born with like brown eyes or long limbs. Winning is truly what you make of your life with the opportunities that are presented. You don’t have to apologise for having celebrity parents but neither do you have to carry the burden of pedigree!
Science: I think the reverse is also true. Just because you are not a celebrity’s child does not mean you cannot become a celebrity yourself. In other words every parent has the obligation to ensure that the child feels like a winner in his or her own right for the effort they take and not for the family the are born into.
They remained silent for a while. Science gathered his courage to ask
Science: So did you just see a celebrity child give up on ambition?
God: No! A more complicated situation… In the name of discipline this father assigns all wins of the child to either blind luck or his genetic influence. The child is beginning to feel that no win is good enough for the the father’s benchmark and it is almost leading him to give up feeling like a failure. You know sometimes, intentions alone are not enough. There is no doubt that the parent will do anything for their child’s success. But they forget that even success is a personal definition.
Science: That is being a little too harsh on the parent, Lord. I am sure he has celebrated the success of his child with all his heart.
God: Oh no doubt about that. But if you are constantly reminded of a distant, enormous goal, you begin to devalue your small everyday achievements making them seem worthless. Underachievement is inevitable if the target is too low, but setting them too high has a disabling effect. The challenge is to set a goal that is demanding but attainable. When your achievements constantly make you still feel like a failure because of a looming enormous goal, which is probably not even yours but one assigned by a parent, do you know what that does to the child’s neural drive?
Science: His ‘reward network’ in his brain is not fired up keeping him eternally dissatisfied and feeling useless. This could snowball over time to the loser’s effect of feeling, no win is good enough. Hmmm… I understand. Small wins are crucial to effect large wins.
God: Exactly! When success is related to the effort put in – building the belief in children that when I put in more effort, my success will be greater, the focus shifts to the process. I can tell you, a process well done and appreciated makes you feel like a winner – even in the unlikely event of a negative outcome! However even when he wins, if it is attributed to circumstances or being ‘lucky’ not acknowledging the effort he has taken, it deprives the child of the winner’s high that can propel him towards future wins. What ever the outcome, the effort of the child has to be appreciated and that, and only that will produce the winner effect.
Science: Praise the process and not only the result… Bhagavad Gita…
God: You must tell the parents not to praise a child for ‘being bright’ because it takes away the essence of winning making it look like a legacy imbibed. Instead, they should always praise a child for the effort, the perseverance, the ingenuity, the willingness to take risks – basically for their grit to stick on and do it right.
Science could see how the Father could have been led to swear in the circumstances. He certainly had not created this humongous world with zillions of galaxies and a little human child called ‘you’, to ever make you feel like a failure!
The words of Subramaniya Bharati whisked past Science… Nallathor veenai seidhu athai nalankeda puzhidiyil erivathundo…Why make a beautiful veena and then let it rot unused in a wasted corner? Science knew the Father had lovingly created each atom to fulfil a dream, to be a winner. No wonder He seemed upset by the little child’s feelings of failure…
Science: So did you weave your magic to help the parent understand that they ought to appreciate the efforts of their child or did you wave a hand to make the child realise that she was a winner even if she had not yet got the parent’s appreciation?
God: (Shocked) Neither! Don’t you yet know that I wouldn’t dream of interfering in the way man lives his life? It is not my call to make. It is yours Science. I sent you to humanity so that you could make them intelligent enough to understand and execute the right choices. It is up to you…
Science: (Curiously) But You did seem relieved… You must have done something for that child…
God: (with a smile…) You know me too well ! I always send messages – co-incidences, pebbles that turn into diamond, new relationships, may be just a rain cloud… But I always send messages. One of the most easy ways to communicate with them is through their body. They always confuse in the mind – was it my whisper or their ego. But with the body – it always works for their body can never lie…
Science: (now very very curious) What do you mean you sent a message through the body for winning?
God: My dear! You know that every time you win you feel the surge of testosterones – something that actually chemically triggers the winners response in every man and woman’s brain. Well – hormones shape behaviour and behaviour shapes hormones. So a testosterone surge will make one less anxious, more ambitious and feel ready to take life head on.
Science: Yes I do! So what did You actually do?
God: Oh I just ensured they opened a gym nearby for the child to lift those weights and increase those testosterones!
Science: But you do know that you cannot store those testosterones from a workout for a future win probably months from now?
God: Of course my dear. But by constantly improving the level of testosterones, you will boost the number of androgen receptors in the brain, which, as the receiving station for testosterones, will become more powerful at triggering the winner effect in your brain.
Science smiled. The Lord did think of everything!
God: Just one little thing my dear. Will you ensure that the women know they too have adequate testosterones and I didn’t actually deprive them of success?
Written by Gita Krishna Raj | Published in infinithoughts in January 2014
When Science met God… | Segment Three: The making of me… | Chapter six: The winner effect
