I was nervous. What if I was not good enough? What if he chose someone else for the job? What if others were better than me? I hardly slept the previous night. Rather than tossing on the bed, I decided to do something productive. I asked myself, so what can I bring to the table that others can’t. First I need to know what he wants. So I decided it was time for research. What did the organisation actually do? I studied the history, I looked through the vision statement. I looked up the visionary and tried to understand his dream. Without even knowing what the goal was, how to contribute? So there I was in the middle of the night pouring over every resource to understand the purpose of the visionary. The more I learnt, the more fascinated I became. Sounded lofty but somewhere gave me a sense of purpose. It will be good to align and work to achieve such a beautiful dream…

Hey! But what if I am not selected? Doubts raised their ugly heads to deprive my dream of light! Oh! When did that become MY dream? I was merely trying to fit in. I did not dream up that goal. I don’t even know if it can ever be achieved… if it will ever become a reality… But somewhere the dream was seeping into me. It felt like MY dream. The more I nurtured it, the more it took over me. I hadn’t even thought on those lines a few hours ago. But somewhere believing in those dreams made me want to participate in its making, share in its becoming, celebrate in its reality.

Did I have anything at all to contribute? Let me see… I could gain the necessary knowledge and skill to become useful. I wasn’t right now! So how do I answer that in the interview? What if I say I don’t know but I am willing to learn and they turn me down because some one else already knows! Should I claim I already have the necessary skill set? But that would be a huge lie. I haven’t the faintest clue! I would falter on my very first step. That is not right. Better to say I don’t yet know but am willing to learn and will soon gain the necessary expertise.

But then they will treat me like an apprentice. Isn’t that what I really am? Can I claim that I already know how? Better to be that apprentice for a few days and learn right. I can then prove through my labor that I am the most willing and best learner to fit the role. But it is not going to be easy. I will have to listen! I will have to choose to be passive. My mind whispered – ‘But that is just for a while. When you really have something to contribute, you will be heard. You will be active. Till that time comes, you aren’t really ready…’

Let me give myself a time frame. I will be disciplined and learn the trade as soon as possible. That can be done only if I give my best at every step, stay aware every moment, accept responsibility and commit to continue despite the outcome – never to quit. That is a lot of hard work!Will it be worthwhile? That vision cannot be my reality if I am not willing to commit. Am I ready?

It was time. I looked at myself one last time in the mirror. I didn’t really see. A little thought jumped up raising its voice to be heard – ‘Don’t go for the interview! It is not your vision. It is not your dream.’ True. It is not my dream for I wonder if such a magnificent vision could have risen in me. But it was neither ‘not my dream’ for now she lived in every breath that visited me.

My pace was sedate. My eyes were on the horizon. My heart beat was steady. And before I knew it, it was time for the interview.

His voice was clear – neither forceful nor weak. He never asked me any questions but got all the answers needed. ‘The organisation has been formed to fulfil a vision. The very purpose of the existence of the organisation is to make the dream a reality. To effect that we need to act in congruence to the goal, effectively and efficiently, together. We cannot afford to drain resources on the trivia nor spend it on the frivolous. Every act has to be unified with the purpose of the vision. Of course, the resources to nudge us closer to the vision are unlimited. The controls to clear our path to achievement will be unhindered and the potential to expand beyond your wildest dreams.’ He smiled. I didn’t need to use any words to say I understood. My awe and reverence were shining through my eyes.

‘The organisation has certain rules. You follow them, you will succeed and contribute. If you don’t, you will no longer be part of the vision. We are here for a purpose. You can join the team only if you believe in the vision, are willing to equip yourself to contribute to the vision, become efficient in your actions and are willing to let go of the trivial to make time for the magnificent.’ He looked deep into my eyes and said – ‘I think you are ready’

I didn’t even blink. I was simply lost in his gaze.‘Do you want to know my HR policy?’ he asked with a smile. The floodgates opened and tears began to flow. He was recruiting me to make his vision a reality! I was on the team! My interview had been a success! Now why would I question God’s HR policy!!!

Written by Gita Krishna Raj  |  Published in infinithoughts in March 2016